Dinner and a Show
by Agryo
Summary: Destroying the guild hall in a brawl? Business as usual for the three Dragonslayers of Fairy Tail... that is, unless their rowdy natures ruins Asuka's birthday party! Can the boys make things right and avoid Makarov's wrath? Hints of Nalu, Gale and Laxus being a hottie, rated for some language!


_Hullo all! I started working on this thing a few months back, took a break when Chapter 488 came out and wrecked my life, and finished it up today for posting! It all started when I was looking at some Natsu funny moments, and that ol' argument between he and Gajeel with puppets came up. Add in Asuka to the mix, and the fact that, unlike the older Fairy Tail members, she doesn't really have kids her age to play with in the guild, and we have a birthday party our boys are sure to mess up!_

 _Just to be clear, I ship both LaxusXMira and LaxusXFreed; Laxus just doesn't care 'bout either right now._

 _Fairy Tail and its numerous, wonderful characters do not belong to me; no, this is only temporary torture, hehe!_

* * *

Natsu let loose with a shrill yelp, the floorboards leaping underneath him as a giant fist missed him by inches. The young man scrambled back towards cover – in other words, the guild's bar – only to share a look of terror with the other men currently occupying the space. Bruises in various states of discoloration gave each and every one of them the appearance of rotting fruit. Nervously grinning, very confused rotting fruit, with the Fire Dragonslayer representing the crème of the crop in this case.

Boy, they sure had done it this time!

It wasn't as if the brawl had been anything unusual; he'd called Grey a perfect bride for a Vulcan, showing off that much skin and all, and things escalated from there. An ill-aimed punch was thrown here, a badly-timed kick there, a retaliation came in the form of a chair being catapulted at the wrong person's face. Before long, almost every denizen of the Fairy Tail guild hall had joined in on the rowdy chaos. Grey lost his boxers, Elfman started bellowing something about being manly, Max had a broomstick up where the sun didn't shine and everything in the vicinity pushed aside or destroyed; a brawl just like any other, maybe even more impressive than most. So impressive, in fact, even Laxus looked interested at taking a swing at things.

That is, until the sniveling started. A low, stuttering whimper that first warned the Dreyar to keep his distance. But the mournful mumble would not be stopped so easily. The sound hiccupped into a gurgle that drew the attention of the rowdy Dragon Slayers and all their companions, and soon all eyes were focused on one point as it morphed into a rough wail all but saturated in fat tears. Tears belonging to Asuka Connel, looking smaller than ever, nestled as she was between the guild's towering oaken doors. A paper party hat that rested precariously atop her usual cowboy hat was swiftly caught and crumpled in a balled fist and thrown in the general direction of the frozen scene of destruction as she stumbled away, sobbing for her parents. Of course, those of Fairy Tail being eager as ever to get their blood pumping would not bode well for the streamers, decorations and snacks they seemed to have wrecked in their roughhousing.

Thus, their current predicament.

"You _buffoons_!" roared Makarov, "How the hell can you kids save the world so many times I've lost count, but wreck a little girl's birthday party in the time it takes for Bisca and Alzack to go and get her last present?"

A salmon-shaded head popped out from behind shot glasses and the scarce surviving bottles of wine in and attempt to find some sort of a defense in this situation. "How were we supposed to know this was a party, gramps? It ain't no party without a brawl!"

To Natsu's detriment, the snark was all the old mage needed to locate the dull-witted mastermind behind this whole mess. With a rumble and a ruffle of his whiskers, Makarov deftly plucked the Dragonslayer between two giant fingers and hauled him up and away, something his brawling buddies did nothing to prevent. After all, it was better that he suffer for it; it gave them a chance to escape!

Only, not so much. Mirajane, smiling ever-so-sweetly, peered behind the bar at her unneeded and unwelcome new staff. Without a word, her grin inched wider and she beckoned them with a dainty hand. Behind those baby blues, though, even Romeo –who, honest to Mavis, had only joined in because it seemed like it would be an easy brawl, honest- could tell that no mercy would await those who hid from punishment for ruining a little girl's most important day.

And so, like men on death row, the majority of Fairy Tail's mages were lead out from behind the bar in single file, settling a safe distance from where a squirming Natsu lolled back and forth in Makarov's grip as the guild master paced before them. Those not involved in the chaos were also watching far out of the splash zone, many taking the opportunity to help Mira clean up some of the mess.

The palpable tension in the air was only thickened when the short man sighed, halting to stare at his gathered guild members. First his gaze held disappointment, but it seemed that beholding the culprits helped reignite his rage.

"Mira, Bisca and lots of the girls were up all morning preparing for Asuka's eight birthday party! We told you all to be careful, to take any brawls outside," Makarov rumbled, noting how Gajeel opened his mouth to protest only for Jet and Droy, in a surprisingly brave and stupid move, to shush him. The Dreyar then waved his arms up and down, seeming to bounce in place, something that did nothing to aid the poor sap he gripped by the scruff as Natsu's motion sickness caught up to him. "I even bargained with Lamia Scale and Blue Pegasus to get some of the best missions last week to tire you kids out! And yet, somehow, this place looks worse now than after we'd let a hoard of kids run it into the ground!"

Seeing the blank looks directed his way, Makarov decided to bring out the big guns.

" _Grey_!"

Said young man jumped to attention, a moment's hesitation attributed to Vjeeter offering him his discarded jacket to avoid sending Juvia into a frenzy.

Makarov narrowed his eyes at the youth, then pointed towards a rather colorful corner of the room. "Your Ice Make popped every single balloon…"

"The piñata is full of pieces of shrapnel instead of candy now, no thanks to Gajeel…"

"Elfman obliterated the cupcakes… high-quality, strawberry cupcakes, mind you…"

Natsu was swung around with a somewhat nauseated sound to nearly smash into a decadent desert. He was barely conscious enough to make a face at the icing that was now dabbed on his nose before the master began screaming again.

"And _someone_ set the cake on fire!"

The gathered men took a moment to share concerned looks at Makarov took a moment to calm himself, only then remembering to put down the queasy Dragneel before he painted the floor green. With a little shove from Nab, Elfman found himself taking center stage in the spotlight that consisted of numerous scathing glares.

The burly man cleared his throat, stating, "Well, obviously we're going to clean up our act… " Elfman hesitated, seeing the delicate smile his sister beamed at him from across the room, a familiar warning to revise what he had just said lest he regret it. "… and the whole place! Yeah! That would be the manly thing to do, right?"

At his prompting a half-hearted rumble of assent rose in the stifling air, some semblance of pride returning to the troublemakers when they received a nod of approval for the idea. "Obviously, yes," Makarov praised, resuming his meandering about the wrecked hall to pick and prod at destroyed gifts and festive napkins. "But we're running short on time, and decorations that took days to craft and jewel to buy are now barely even worthy of confetti. Everything else isn't even recognizable!"

Natsu rolled his eyes from where he sat on the floor, munching contently on what remained of the flaming cake and taking care to snuff out his flames between bites. "I still don't get what the big deal is, gramps; Asuka's Fairy Tail! We all had parties that we never got around to havin' due to the fun we had breaking everything; we can always come up with something fun on the fly!"

This time it was Laxus who took to intervening, his voice carrying easily from where he leaned against a wall, eyeing a torn banner with distain. "It's because the kid doesn't have any friends in the guild… or, at least none her age." The lightning mage shifted his weight, elaborating: "Most of you guys were all born the same year, or close to it, so you could all run around and do things only guild kids do. The same goes for Mira and Erza; though they have a year or two on your lot, they could still join in when they weren't beating eachother senseless."

A lightbulb seemed to go off behind Grey's eyes. "You didn't, though; you always were off by yourself, or with non-guild kids."

" _Until_ I got tired of 'em, but you get the gist of things." Laxus smirked. "Romeo and Wendy are the youngest running around here besides Asuka, and they're pre-teens. And trust me when I say _no_ self-respecting pre-teen is gonna want to hang out with a kid half their age."

Romeo seemed torn between protesting to being called out and wanting to become one with the barstool he had been using to peer over the crowd with. After all, playing with Asuka wasn't a death sentence; everyone took turns babysitting her, and the worst that could happen is that she would insist on playing with guns... which, come to think of it, was pretty bad.

However, he did not bring this to anyone's attention, so Laxus continued on in his overly comfortable explanation. "So Asuka's left with friends from all over, friends who didn't grow up expecting brawls to be normal. If these kids like the sort of atmosphere they see, they could be Fairy Tail's next generation of mages, but for that there actually needs to be a party for them to enjoy."

Makarov chose this moment to but in with a fact that would definitely drive the utter importance of the child's socialization home:

"Unless you kids decide to pop out some brats for the next guild master to deal with!"

* * *

Needless to say, after that statement it was quite easy to divvy up the tasks to prepare for the party and keep the boys from protesting too much. While the vast majority of the young men were put on cleanup duty to free up the girls for more important tasks, a few in particular were given special missions on account of their particularly marvellous mess-ups.

On this sizzling summer day, it was deemed fitting for Grey to help Juvia and Cana man an icecream stand for the children. It was also deemed fitting for the pair to keep the Ice mage's stripping habit in check, lest the innocents be scarred forevermore. Elfman was ushered into the kitchen to help Evergreen and Bixlow prepare a new batch of cupcakes. Such a duty would usually fall to Erza, but the Fairy Queen was out of town on a mission with Crime Sorcière… also explaining why she had not gutted the lot for having ruined anything involving strawberry cakes in the first place.

This left Natsu and Gajeel with a most essential of missions: preparing a puppet show. Pantherlily and Happy, being the astute Exceeds they were, had skedaddled off to help place streamers up in the rafters to leave their friends to their creative devices. But they were by no means alone; as a minor if humiliating punishment for having watched chaos unfold with nothing but a sly smirk, Laxus was also forcibly enlisted in the creation of a play.

Of course, three Dragonslayers and a few socks did not equate to anything remotely presentable.

"Moron!" Gajeel growled, tugging brutishly at a makeshift script the fire Dragonslayer clung to, "Ya can't make this some silly bedtime story! The kids probably have to deal with enough of 'em, and that's from parents who _don't_ mix up the tortoise and the hare!"

Natsu pulled just as hard to keep possession of the draft, biting back: "Give it a rest, Gajeel! It's not like the Master would let us get away with tellin' 'em a really cool story, with fighting and dragons and demons!"

The paper, unable to support this tension exerted on it in more ways than one, ripped apart without hesitation, leaving the young men to glower at eachother viciously. Laxus put an end to this easily with a huff, grabbing their attention with ease. Expression kept in a careful equilibrium between distain and interest, he let them fume for a moment. Surely, this little punishment wouldn't be that bad; he was used to taking charge, and how much a problem could a puppet show really pose the latest of a long line of powerful mages, even when paired with two of the most hot-headed ever known?

"I say we make it up as we go along; kids like improve these days, and it should let us incorporate whatever makes them laugh the most along the way," proposed the blond, gesturing somewhat as he spoke. Surely, such an idea, requiring minimal effort – and, he thought privately, brainpower – would meet the approval of his Guildmates. He watched passively as Gajeel and Natsu shared a look, and seemed to come to an understanding.

"That's bullshit," they proclaimed in unison, sharing a dour look that only appeared when they united against the Lightning Dragonslayer.

"I don't see either of you bringing any _better_ ideas to the table"

"Better than yours, zappy?"

" _Zappy_ , Natsu? Did you really just go there?"

"I might have."

"I hope for your sake you didn't."

Gajeel groaned, the first of many inevitable facepalms making him look like he was supposed to be the mature individual in this situation. "If you two girls are done bitching-"

"You wouldn't know bitching if it bit ya in the butt!"

"Natsu that makes _no fucking sense_ -"

"I am _really_ getting tired of you, Redfox-"

" _BOYS!"_

Fittingly, the three young men instantly lowered their raised fists and shut their roaring mouths, Natsu lowering himself back down to sit as Laxus pretended to be exceedingly busy with a sock-puppet's button eye. Only when he looked up did he realise, with some embarrassment, that it wasn't really a person to be reckoned – in other words, Erza – with who had single-handily calmed the ruckus.

Lucy stood with her hands on her hips, fingers dancing perilously close to her whip as she eyed the trio with palpable exasperation. The weapon was definitely a probable source of welts if they continued to aggravate her with their arguing, but otherwise the Celestial mage's attempt at looking intimidating reminded all three of a kitten eyeing birds out of reach.

Natsu drowned a snicker in one of his typical grins as he waved her over. She did not budge an inch. "Oi, Lucy! You here to help us with our puppet show? Lug-nut and _Zappy_ here –" he was promptly tugged out of harm's way by his partner, her timely intervention saving him from a powerful swing by the bearer of the later nickname. Laxus seemed to be taking things in stride, though, but taking advantage of an excuse to hit Natsu was something even he had not been able to resist.

"Do you have a deathwish or something?" she shrieked, only to calm herself with thoughts of warm baths and an uninvaded home to mutter, "Actually, don't even answer that. You _always_ have a deathwish."

Her hands finding their way to her hips again, she continued: "The party starts in two hours, and Makarov doesn't think anything will get done in time with you guys fighting with eachother like little girls-"

"It's called bitching!"

Lucy leveled the pink-haired young man with a look that was of sarcastic amazement but held within it a desire to give up on all hope in him. "Yes, it is. Thanks for pointing that out. With that out of the way, the thing is I know a thing or two about what makes a good story, and made a few sock puppets as a kid. So Mira let me off 'cleaning-up-molten-cake-residue' duty to help make this a show to remember."

Gajeel leaned back somewhat, eyeing the blond with a ruddy stare. "Ya had to make yourself some friends to play with given your dad is more of the sort to see ya as a trophy kid, right?"

"I have no sympathy for you anymore!"

"I know that, gi-hi," snickered the Iron Dragonslayer. He weathered an elbow to the ribs from Laxus, deeming this encouragement enough to add his two cents to the discussion without eating them. "I know Shrimp is familiar with some of those old tales and stuff, plus she can Script up some decorations for us to work with. Maybe we can include her in this nightmare?"

Lucy seemed to share a knowing look with someone just below his shoulder, and the voice spoke up with a sunny tone: "Nice to know you need my help, Gajeel!" Levy exclaimed brightly, seating herself cross-legged between two of the burliest men in Fairy Tail. Given her stature, however, there was room to spare.

Despite the situation, the threat of a child's tears and his general broody nature, Laxus couldn't help but smile. Slightly. "I guess we have our team, then," he said, "so let's get to work!"

* * *

And they did… somewhat.

The struggle to get the two Exceed owners to co-operate was very much a real one, especially without adrenaline to make working together seem even remotely attractive. The group encountered a serious problem when it was revealed that Levy's 'Solid Script: Puppet' created six letter-shaped finger caricatures, as opposed to ones suiting the story Lucy had outlined.

After a few more similar spells, the crew was all but swimming in marionettes, cloth and button-eyed socks. Shortly thereafter a conflict over the plot erupted once more, Gajeel insisting his character would definitely _not_ be a villain; that was more _Zappy_ 's part, he boasted. He escaped a lightning bolt uppercut thanks to the fact that his facial studs made punches undesirable for both parties and Laxus's newfound wonder in sewing little arms and clothing onto the cast they would be using. Natsu, meanwhile, argued that Gajeel definitely had more experience in being a rude, disgusting lowlife, which brought a very real rage to the other Dragonslayer's eyes.

All conflict was rendered null and void, however, when Mirajane appeared with lunch, greeted by a chorus of cheers and various forms of thanks. With a graceful smile she settled down beside them, plucking a sandwich for herself. The silken-haired woman had been up since the crack of dawn, juggling her usual duties at the guild bar with the preparation for Asuka's party and keeping it on track; this was likely her first break since she woke up.

"This show is going to be amazing," she breathed, Natsu and Lucy sharing pleased grins as Laxus nodded in approval. It was, really, something to be proud of given the short amount of time lent to its conception. The characters had a bright look to them, with exaggerated traits befitting all the material they had to work with. Natsu played around with one in demonstration, showing that the arms of the puppets would be the thumb and pinky finger, while the other three served as a body and head. Set pieces of cardboard and fabric were the fruits of Levy's work, topped with a bright and smiling sun on their blue tablecloth sky, while Gajeel had helped assemble the whole and prepare the 'backstage' area for easier use. At last, Lucy gave Mira a rough draft of their script, one combining the best of both Gajeel and Natsu's visions while leaving room for the improvisation Laxus had suggested.

Her chin in her hand, Mira contemplated the idea before a devious gleam lit her gaze. "You're missing something, though."

Lucy tilted her head, mentally checking off everything they had included: funny puppets, an interesting storyline, pretty décor, ways to get the kids involved... what more could an audience desire? She asked that much, and regretted it immediately when the model's eyes seemed to smolder with pleasure.

"But romance, of course!" she cooed, delighting in how Gajeel seemed to hide behind Levy in terrible anticipation, a truly hilarious picture.

"Bisca tells me that her daughter is growing up to be quite the romantic, not that I'm surprised. She gets it from her parents, if you ask me." With the introductory chatter done with, Mira's plan moved into phase two and Lucy's dread intensified.

"She also happened to mention that you two –" she beamed at her victims, "– Scammed Asuka out of a kiss, and under orders too!"

"N-No, that's not what happened at all!"

"Didn't kissing Happy count, though?"

The partners spoke up simultaneously, Lucy in screeching denial and Natsu with the nonchalance of one who does not understand the situation they are in. They promptly got into a debate as to if the Dragonslayer's sacrifice of his first kiss was enough to counter-act the little girl's wishes, or if the snow globe and ensuing adventures had evened the score.

Levy was discreet in hiding her amusement. Gajeel, however, guffawed, slapping his knee at the comedic gold this revelation held.

"Ya kissed Happy? Oh, this is just too good!"

Laxus remained unfazed as Lucy and Levy desperately tried to keep their respective Dragonslayers from getting into a fight. Thankfully, it seemed as though any combat would take place in the form of puppet wars, but they could not risk damaging the lightning mage's hard work. One blond brow quirked upwards at this childish behavior.

"So? It ain't that big a deal."

Natsu blinked. "You saying you've smooched before?" Discreetly, Mirajane hid her delight behind a delicate hand.

"Obviously; I'm twenty three, not an overgrown teenager like you punks."

Gajeel would have corrected the man about his age, but then he remembered that he did not know his own birthday, let alone how old he was. Instead, he formulated a jab after stuffing another sandwich into his mouth and making a point to chew loudly, smirking at Levy's disgusted face.

"So who did ya lock lips with, eh? Must be better than a cat, I hope!"

Without missing a beat Laxus leaned back and jutted a thumb in Mira's direction. An awed silence seeped into the air around them, one the man ignored by fussing with his puppets.

"Like I said: no big deal." He narrowed his eyes at his audience. "Now let the woman _finish_."

"Thank you, Laxus," Mirajane murmured without shame; the change of subject had not been enough to distract her from her goal. She trained her gentle, if cunning, gaze on Natsu and Lucy, though she also kept an eye on the other pairing in the group. "I'm not asking for anything much; just have your puppets save eachother, or have a declaration of undying love. It should be enough to brighten her day." Now her gaze moved to the clock, and the needle counting down the time between Fairy Tail and a hoard of sugar-high children.

She rose, giggling as she turned to walk away. "I've got more people to check up on; who knows what my brother and Evergreen are up to! Bye now, I can't wait to see the show!"

With the barmaid gone, the five mages moved in a blur to finalize their project. The sound of kids giggling outside, entertained by Gray's stripping and jumpy thanks to icecream, spurred them onwards; last fixes were made, and they came to a unanimous agreement to ignore Mira's advice. After all, the thought of young Asuka being encouraged to do anything kissy-kissy silently made a few particular mages feel particularly shameful for the lack of attention they gave their own romantic futures. Plus, kids shouldn't be pushed past the cooties stage any quicker than nature allows, for such blasphemy results in mini-Miras.

Gajeel barely had time to crouch behind the curtain before the guild hall's doors flew open, Cana and Wakaba holding the huge things ajar to allow a small army of small creatures to stream through. Bisca and Alzack definitely did not slack off in sending invites; it looked as though every brat under eight in all of Magnolia was there! Even a few parents came, following their children, one even cradling a baby in one arm.

The whole party came to a screeching halt as nearly every female crowded around the larvae-like thing and its doting mother, barring Evergreen who simply turned up her nose rather pointedly. The makeshift performers sat restlessly behind their stand as children were herded into place, thankfully without much protest, though there was slight commotion as much of the Guild were seated.

Gajeel cleared his throat loudly to quiet the mutterings that had grown within the spacious hall, drawing all attention to the makeshift stage, propped up on a table and with barstools being used to hold up the improvised ceiling and curtains. Clumsily, Fairy Tail's crest was pushed through the crimson drapes, attached to a stick.

After a tense moment as the audience wiggled as one to become comfortable, the narrative began: "In a land far, far away, there lived a group of creatures, creatures of all sorts!"

Lucy's voice leant itself well to the role of some cheerful storyteller as the folds of fabric were pulled back, revealing Levy's hand holding up the guild symbol far too low, with sock-puppet animals appearing on either side as her friend spoke.

"A fox, a swan; a wolf, a bear; even a little kitten lived in this great, big castle!" Each animal made a little gesture with their name, prompting giggles from the children. The members of Fairy Tail, however, furrowed their brows in confusion; how could those boys have come up with such a whimsical plot?

As the story went on, however, it soon became clear that this was a comical, child-friendly retelling of a series of events they all knew rather well.

In a test of strength, many of the animals left on a boat to a secret island, where it was said the unicorn lived. Once there, a great many spectacles played out as the fight to see who was the greatest of beasts began, only to be interrupted as a pack of mean, giant bugs attacked, looking for a dark basilisk said to lurk on the isle. To keep the otherwise traumatizing tale of Tenrou island child-friendly, it was, of course re-enacted by caricatures of the real actors of these events. As the kids laughed and cheered, even booing at the actions of some puppets at Lucy's prompting, many of Fairy Tail shared fond smiles or ducked their heads in shyly as their friends and allies laughed gleefully at their past woes.

Many events would eventually stand out to those who would recall them; the crocodile ended up protecting the mouse even though he had previously tried to eat her. Curiously enough, both puppets were shaking as the scene played out, the crocodile suddenly being speared by a metal blade to the shock and awe of the audience. The narrator shakily excused the technical difficulty.

Juvia all but swooned as Natsu and Laxus's puppets recounted how the wolf faced his past and fought viciously to save the devoted otter, both realizing the power that emotions held. An intermission was held as Natsu and Gajeel howled with laughter as Grey was mercilessly chased about the guild hall, stripping as he went.

The romance between the giant, 'manly' elephant and the elegant gazelle also prompted outlandish reactions from the inspirations behind the characters; Elfmand and Evergreen had to be forcefully shown to the door by Mirajane when their protests became just too ridiculous.

The old lion gave his all to combat the insect's hive to protect his pride, his family rallying around him to defend the unicorn's island. Later, the lion's banished son, the tiger, would return to help defeat the great evil scorpion, giving the fox his stripes so he could strike down the venomous foe. It took violent shushing to keep Makarov from making a scene.

Another scene which nearly moved the audience to tears, was when the monkey was reunited with her father, the great gorilla. With this new hope within her she learned to use the great power of the unicorn. And somehow Natsu saw fit to punctuate this with a blast of fire, rendering the poor monkey-sock ash.

Truly, it was something quite amazing, for an amateur show made to keep Makarov from skinning them alive. The crowd was pulled along a roller coaster ride of emotions, with Asuka whispering tidbits of info about this moment in her Guild's history she had overheard from her parents.

Finally, it was time for the grand finale. Old and young alike were on the edge of their seats as an ominous _thud-thud-thud_ filled the air. Those of Fairy Tail shared concerned looks, and whispers of a foul name were uttered.

Lucy took full advantage of the tension in the air, her voice carrying: "All of a sudden, when victory was close at hand, the animals were attacked…"

Her words hung in the air. So did Happy, bearing sloppy black paint and a grimace of a mask, and all the puppets –some of which were held up with sticks, given their sheer numbers- reacted with shock.

"By a _dragon_!"

Happy let loose a haphazard imitation of a roar, throwing a ball of crumpled paper at the puppets. And another, and another, seeming to aim deliberately for where Lucy was hidden behind the curtains more often than not.

"The animals were –ow!- no match for the giant, magic-ow!-al creature, but they never, ever gave up! Faced with defeat, they held hands and –OW!"

The crowd and many of the actors snickered when a projectile hit the Exceed squarely on the nose, Lucy letting out a drawn-out sigh. It was a different voice that took up speaking, now: "And waited for the end! But the unicorn was proud of their teamwork, friendship and love for eachother, and to protect the animals cast a magic spell that kept them safe from the dragon!"

Marionettes lined up, some torn up or burnt, and executed a cheery bow as Levy concluded, "And they all lived happily ever after!"

The guild hall erupted into thunderous acclimations, confetti consisting of the torn party favors from earlier gliding through the air as Laxus and Gajeel threw handfuls of it at the audience. Already children were beginning to crowd around the stage and mutterings spread in the air, and those responsible for this feat almost gave eachother a pat on the back.

Almost.

Asuka, defiant as ever, hauled herself onto the table, careful to avoid stepping on the set pieces glowering at the five mages. With her party hat, she poked Natsu in the forehead.

"Why was there no smooching, Natsu?"

"Hey! Why wasn't there any smooching?" she said, louder this time. Many turned to look at her, smirking at the hell the Dragonslayer was about to go through. "Mira promised there would be some kissy-kissy!"

Natsu gave the kid a considering look at Gajeel and Laxus began to make jokes at his expense. Lucy felt sweat begin to bead on her forehead: with her brows knit and her arms stubbornly crossed, it was clear there would be no negotiating with the little girl this time. Either way, Mira was surely getting a kick out of this; match making at its most demonic, that's for sure…

Lucy yelped when her partner threw an arm over her shoulders, shutting her eyes tightly. But instead of a dramatic liplock, Natsu instead slipped the swan puppet on her hand and began to speak in a shrill tone.

"Oh, fox! Thanks for saving me, you're so cool and stuff!" he squawked, his own hand –erm, the fox- doing a little jump as it spoke in turn.

"It was nothing! We're partners and best friends; I'll save you every day if I need to!"

"Well, maybe for Asuka we'll be moooooore than just friends~"

With his other hand the Fire Dragonslayer brought the swan to the other marionette and began to make excessively gross smooching sounds, the sheer absurdity of it all enticing Lucy's giggles to join those of pretty much everyone in the vicinity.

Only once Cana began to catcall the pair of indiscreet puppets did Natsu stop, grinning broadly at little Asuka. "Was that 'kissy-kissy' enough for ya?" he asked.

The girl seemed to consider this for a moment. "But I wanted _you two_ to smooch…"

"Close 'nough; the fox and the swan were playing out parts in the story." Here his grin took on a sharp edge. "Either way, I'm the one who decides who I kiss and when, kid!"

"So that means you _wanted_ to kiss Happy? How cute, Salamander!" Gajeel called, rumbling laughter erupting around him.

Grey perked up. "So flame brain kissed his cat, huh? Classy, Natsu, really."

"You wanna see classy, ya stripper? There are kids here you know!"

"Good to see you know what you are!"

No more words were needed; with the children slowly dispersing, the Guild once again devolved into a hoard of fighting savaged, their antics encouraged by the cheers of some of Asuka's guests. Makarov, still struck silly from the re-enactment of the events at Tenrou Island, could not even protest, already sipping a drink in company of Cana and Macao.

As for the birthday girl, she gave Lucy a wave before running off to join her parents and friends, seemingly satisfied. For now, at least.

The Celestial mage smiled to herself, leaning back against the stage, sharing the look with Levy. When all was said and done, they had made a masterpiece of out a mess, all without burning the building to the ground; a job well done if there ever was one. Something passed between them as Natsu and Gajeel volleyed insults at eachother, cheeks dusting with pink as they turned their attention to the brawl.

No broken-hearted children, no angry gramps… Yeah, everything had turned out just fine.

The giant door creaked open to reveal Erza Scarlet, clad in shining armor, her presence so imposing that Jellal was all but a shadow at her side.

She eyed the brawl with distain, and against all odds Natsu noticed her. Or, more accurately, the aura of doom and destruction surrounding the crimson-haired woman.

" _So_. I heard that someone destroyed a perfectly good strawberry shortcake…"

Natsu, and all those of Fairy Tail, gulped in unison as Asuka began to giggle mischievously.

Boy, they sure did it this time!


End file.
